Feeling a Bit Like Pouting

Okay, it's true confessions time.

For this past week, I've felt this nagging compulsion to pout a bit. I know, I know... it's really childish. It's short-sighted. It's exactly the kind of danger that we've been warning against as we've examined the wilderness wanderings in church this past month. There's this constant provocation to complain and grumble a bit when we're in the difficult "in-between" times of life, and this is true both on a personal level and on a corporate level as a church.

But I never expected my thoughts to wander to something so small, so petty, so really-not-important. You see, I'm feeling a bit pouty about my office. (And, to be honest, I've felt this silly little negativity for a long time.)

Don't get me wrong. Our offices are more than adequate for our church at this time, and God has really blessed us in an extraordinary way. In fact, I'm thrilled to share that our landlord just offered to extend a month-by-month lease extension while we wait for more permanent facilities. What a wondrous gift! There wasn't even a rate increase for not signing the year-long lease! Wow!

What's more, my office is really rather comfortable. I've got a couple of windows, plenty of light and room, a nice setting to meet with people to talk about life's journey, etc. It's about as close as it can get to my home and still be in the town of Warrenton. And when Margo and the kids swing by Carousel once a week, it takes me all of 1 minute to scurry down the hill and enjoy a quick (and tasty!) break with them. Margo and I even painted in a cleaner, warmer color so it would be more comfortable.

Still, I've spent the better part of my career in second-hand and rented offices. When I did my internship in Fremont, California, I had a nice room but no real furniture. When I was in Arlington Heights, Illinois, they cleared out an old cinder block closet for me to use (small and dark, but I had a nice desk). When I was in Grand Island, Nebraska, I started out in an unused classroom in the basement before moving upstairs with the rest of the staff, though my furniture was bought super-cheap from a thrift shop and was pretty dinged up. For most of my time in Goodyear, Arizona, I was either working out of an extension built on my garage or bouncing between a couple of rented spaces that were adequate but not really quite ideal.

When we finally built our own facility, I was so excited about having an office that really reflected my style and way of working. I remember the day that our church family gathered at the building site with permanent markers to write out prayers, scripture, and blessings on the construction walls before final drywall was installed. Buried beneath the walls of my office there are some very personal outpourings to God -- words of prayer and worship -- as well as the written prayers and blessings of so many folks in that church family. I was able to order new furniture and had a desk arrangement that suited me perfectly. There were tons of bookshelves so I could have my extensive library right at hand. Margo found a smoking deal on a couch, and it was even purple! I did a faux finish paint job throughout the office, and installed a chair rail to match the rest of the wood. The walls were soundproofed (great for counseling), and I even took the opportunity to install surround sound during the framing stage. (Hey, if I was going to listen to music while I work, it was going to sound good!) A big chunk of that office decorating came at our own personal expense, but I figured I could finally have the place that I've wanted for so many years.

Too bad I was only there for a couple of months before God began to make sweeping changes in my life and move us in another direction. Oh, I'm absolutely thrilled to be here in Virginia, and I totally love our new church family. We have been blessed in such amazing, overwhelming ways, and not a day goes by without my praising God for his leading. I really am "practicing what I preach" and savoring the joy in the journey during this season of life.

Yet I have to admit that there is this little piece of me that feels like pouting at times. For many months, I had office neighbors that were pretty loud and distracting. There was even a husband-wife team that would sometimes bicker loudly directly across the hallway from my office. (Talk about a distraction!) And though it's been pretty quiet around here for the past few weeks since they moved out, I met my new office neighbor this morning. He stopped by to let me know that they're moving in this weekend. He also wanted to apologize in advance for the language that I'll sometimes hear from his team of employees. Apparently they've been known to do a fair share of cussing when dealing with frustrations in their business.

So I'm looking at this as an opportunity to be a light in the darkness (hey, the guy felt convicted about the language of his workers just by reading "Christian Fellowship" on our hallway sign), and a challenge to build contagious relationships. What a great reminder of exactly why we're here as a church family.

It really is not about us. It's not even about me having a nice, personalized space in which to work each day. It's about us getting out in the world and making a difference.

Thanks, Lord, for the gentle reminder. Thanks for the challenge to my pouty attitude. Thanks for so many blessings and opportunities. Thanks for keeping me humble. I realize now how silly it would have seemed to see Jesus getting even the slightest bit sulky for not having the perfect office. (Of course, if you want to lead us to a place where I can have some more bookshelves, a better configured desk, and a nicer furniture arrangement for counseling, I promise I won't complain...)