A Confession

I mentioned recently that God is at it again as I prepare for this week's message. I woke up early on Tuesday with this kind of "aha!" moment from God, and I knew what God wanted me to share as we continue our study of Paul's letter to the Christians of Galatia. As a result, the preparation for this week has been really enjoyable.

Yet I have a confession to make. Part of that "aha!" moment had to do with God showing me how the truth of grace applies to a couple of situations in my life. On Monday -- that day before my "epiphany" -- I was bothered by a conversation that took place in the morning. No, that's not right. I was more than bothered; I was upset. But God opened my eyes to not only see how my perspective and choices were contributing to the problem, but also to just how much grace God has given me (and, consequently, how woefully inadequate I was being in extending that same grace to someone else.)

God's been hammering me with that same lesson in another situation this week -- one in which a couple of hurtful people surfaced in my life once again. I had forgiven them, even though they never sought forgivness. Suddenly I found myself reminded of the past, and I daydreamed about shoving Matthew 5:23-24 in front of them (go ahead, look it up...) with an attitude of righteous indignation. So God gently reminded me about his amazing grace once again, soothed my spirit, and actually kindled an attitude of compassion and patience.

But here comes the real confession part: As God revealed to me what he wants us to consider this coming Sunday, I actually hungered to share some of the details of at least one of those experiences with everyone else. After all, what a great, personal illustration of this lesson on overflowing with grace, right? Oh, I am such a warped, wretched creature sometimes! The truth is that sharing the details of those experiences would really only empower my own self-righteousness, not his grace. I could tell you all about how I felt wronged or whatever (whether or not my perpsective is accurate... but that's another matter), and you might sympathize with me, and then we'd give a nice, theological nod to grace. But it would be too late. I would have already replaced grace with condemnation just by the telling. What's worse, I would have distracted myself from my need for God's grace in my own life. I need to remember that I'm very much a work in progress, too, and I've got enough on my plate trying to be all that God desires.

Grace is such an amazing, fragile, beautiful gift from the Lord, and it is so easily tarnished by our own sense of justice. So God has reminded me of a truth from the Psalms once again (specifically Psalm 37:7-8 and Psalm 46:10 -- you can look those up, too). God is so incredible! And I am so deeply grateful that he is patient -- and gracious -- with a wretch like me.

"Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come. 'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home."