God Knew
>> Monday, July 2, 2007
One year ago this week, our family was on a much-needed vacation along the east coast. We took a shortcut across Virginia that led us directly through Warrenton. I remember telling Margo that I could live in a place like this someday, and our family talked about what it would mean if we were to move. We stopped for dinner outside of town, and even went to the local theater to watch Superman before heading into Washington D.C. Of course, our discussion about living in Virginia was purely hypothetical. Little did we know what God had in store for us!
Now we're making arrangements to settle here permanently. And I see how God has worked through the events of the last year to create a fresh new life for me and my family. There were times last Fall when I wondered why he would allow us to experience such cruelty from people we loved. Even today there are times when my heart just aches with the memories of some of those experiences. Certainly it was a time of extraordinary personal growth as God brought about a wondrous renewal in me, and I am very aware at how I've changed in the last year. But it broke my heart that the greatest season of personal growth in my life was accompanied by the most abusive experience I've ever faced. And I remember crying out to God wondering what he was doing, what was the purpose, and where was the hope?
It's amazing how clear hindsight can be.
God knew it all — he knew about what needed to be broken and refined in my life. He knew how some friends would surround Margo and I with the most awesome expression of love and mercy and compassion. He knew how our path would lead us to Eugene, Oregon for a week with two extraordinary people, and how I would meet God there in the most intimate and beautiful way in my life. He knew about the horrible way we would be treated by people we trusted, and how I would learn to find refuge in him during the darkest moments of life. He knew how the experience would lead us to Hope and to the love of some very, very wonderful people who are already showing my family the blessings of Christ (and they're not even here yet!).
One year ago, God gave me a glimpse of a new home. Just passing through town, my heart was sparked with an attraction to the life that awaited. He gave me a glimpse of hope in more ways than one. And I rejoice in him and his grace, mercy, power, wisdom, kindness, discipline, and leading.
My name is Scott Heine, and I'm on a life-long journey to become more like Jesus and to share his life-changing love with others. I'm the Pastor of Hope Christian Fellowship in Warrenton, Virginia — a great church family full of terrific people. My wife, Margo, and I have three teenage kids: Benjamin, Elizabeth, and Rebecca, along with a couple of spoiled English Springer Spaniels named Dixie & Rose.
5 comments:
"horrible way we would be treated by people we trusted..."? perhaps you should've been more thoughtful towards the many you hurt... you may have been hurt, but you damaged many others....now I & others have to pick up the pieces....next time think of that!
I read comments like the one above and I feel so very sad.
I'm sad that it was posted anonymously, because anger and hurt always grows best in the shadows -- tucked away in private conversations and gossip, nursed and rehearsed in our minds as we ponder our pain, fueled by the sypathy of others and reinforced by their own stories -- until it takes on a life of its own that is bigger, more intense, and often unreal. When we feel like a victim, pain and anger and the "misery loves company" dynamic becomes both empowering and destructive.
I'm sad that someone back in Arizona is holding on to a resentment toward me that would prompt them to visit the blog with what has to be a kind of dark, voyeuristic motive. It can't be healthy that someone who obviously feels so negatively toward me would invest time searching for the site to see what I'm thinking, experiencing, and sharing. Far better to either pursue genuine healing and closure (hey, I'm open to it!) or else just let it go and move on.
I'm sad that someone feels that they have been left to "pick up the pieces." I assume they're referring to what our former church in Arizona is experiencing. Last fall and winter, over half that church family quietly drifted off in search of other settings in which they might worship and grow. Disappointed with the lack of mercy, with the lack of communication, with the lack of trustworthy leadership, with the lack of openness and an opportunity to express their thoughts, they chose to pursue God's blessings elsewhere. It's easy to throw blame at someone for what happened, and I suppose I make a wonderful target for someone who already feels hurt and blaming toward me. But there's something much bigger and deeper there that needs to be healed. Blame is easy, but brokenness leads to blessing.
Or perhaps by "picking put the pieces" they mean that they felt hurt by me and now they're trying to put things back together in their personal life and move on. Oh, I hope so. Life is far too short to dwell in the past. I hope every one of us is continually learning from our encounters with others -- what's right with ourselves, what about us needs to change, how we respond to both the best and the worst in people around us, etc. We live in a world full of broken people and it's inevitable that we get bruised by the rough edges of others from time to time. Some people have a high tolerance for pain and just brush it off. For others, those bruises hurt so badly we think they were deliberate. And sometimes, because there are evil people in the world, our wounds actually are delibrate. Thankfully there is always healing and comfort in the arms of our Father. I'm just sad that after having not been at Compass for nine months, there's still "picking up the pieces" going on.
I'm sad that someone's response to my mentioning how poorly our family was treated is to fire off sort of an "Oh yeah? You hurt me, too" response. Margo and I invested literally hundreds of hours last year learning, growing, healing, and rediscovering God's grace. We made ourselves available to hear the criticism of others -- including one conversation that was simply abusive (as one counselor put it) -- and I took ownership of things that needed to change in my life. I sought the wisdom and perspective of godly counselors because I wanted to be certain I was really hearing truth, embracing the experience of brokenness, and making genuine changes in my life. I asked forgiveness of individuals in several settings, and we submitted to the wishes of church leadership even when they it became clear that they were leading the church down the path that has resulted in their current struggle to rebuild. I've been told by counselors and denomination leaders that for some people it will never be enough, and that I have to accept that some people may never embrace responsibility for what happened and seek to make things right. In fact, they may never really know or understand enough to offer healing and closure.
But it still makes me very sad.
And I'm sad that whoever wrote this remark clearly missed the whole point of my post. As I've looked back over the events of the past year, I see how God was at work in all of it -- in provoking our imagination of what life might be like if we ever moved to northern Virginia, in the opportunity to take a close look at my life and walk through an agonizing yet wonderful season of healing and growth, in the hurt that we experienced at Compass, in the depth of friendships we discovered, in that moment in Oregon when I encountered the beauty and grace of God in such a powerfully life-changing way, in being led to this incredible new church family at Hope, and now in the blessings of a new home, new life, new friends, and new opportunties that surpass our expectations. It's sad that someone from our past can't simply rejoice at how God has led us and how he is pouring out blessings upon us now.
But I'll continue to look back at our 10-year experience at Compass with rejoicing. God did some extraordinary things in the lives of people there, and I believe God will continue to work wonders in them and through them in the years to come. We have many, many sweet memories and will savor dozens of great friendships for a lifetime. (In fact, I'm having dinner with their church secretary and her family tomorrow evening as they visit D.C.!) I continue to pray for that church nearly every day -- for specific leaders, for individuals I know that still need true healing, for a couple who left disillusioned with church altogether, for others who have told me that they're hanging in there for this season and waiting for fresh new leadership, for the man who will one day (hopefully soon!) serve as their shepherd, and for the thousands and thousands of people living in the community around them that need to hear the good news of God's love and grace. I pray that God will shine a light on every shadow, that he will fill that church family with his presence, that they will rediscover the wonders of mercy and compassion, and that he will work in them and through them so that men will diminish and his glory increase.
And I look forward to spending eternity worshiping alongside some people who couldn't stand the idea of worshiping alongside my family here and now. :D In the meantime, I'm going to savor his grace, the love of his people, and the incredible honor we have to share that grace and love with others.
As someone who was in the church and not knowing what was going on until it was really too late it is safe to say that you WERE treated horribly. Your poor family. I wish we had got to know you better while you were here. I can tell you that not a lot has changed. We have the same leaders and they did not let us vote on them this year like we did in the past. There are still a group of women who gossip too much but act spiritually smug. Pastor John talked to us about moving forward but we have not talked much about going back and fixing what was wrong. We are one of those couples waiting for fresh leadership and we have friends that left that nobody ever contacted to find out why. I still think the Lord is going to do something special here once we repent. Also some of us hit the Anonymouse button because we do not want junk email by signing up though I do not think that is what the critic was doing. Thanks for keeping us up to date on the Lords blessings.
This isn't about hating you. Its about the damage you and Margo caused to a great group of people. AS for the "lack of mercy", that only happened when you didn't get your way. I'm impressed how you sanctimoniously brushed aside the critical matter, making yourself look like the one who was hurt. As for all those people who quietly left, they left hurt and disgusted with your inability to show mercy and kindness and be a true servant leader. I'd be glad to 'come out' and tell you who I am, but not until your ready to dialogue openly and honestly about your problem. Looking at your postings, that may never happen. Yes, I'd be glad to stand with you before the Father in eternity, and I'd gladly (in humility) ask the Father; Lord, why was this man allowed to do so much damage?
Before this becomes even more unhealthy, I'm going to shut down comments in this thread and disable anonymity in posting in general. Obviously someone has some serious issues (why else would they be here reading my blog at all or coming back to read my reply?). I disagree with their perspective about why Compass saw such decline this past year; apparently the poster above them does too. (By the way, I don't think you'll get junk mail just by registering for an account. I haven't, at least.) But it really doesn't matter; life is too short and God is too great. Whoever it is that is posting anonymously, if you want to reach me privately you can e-mail me at scottheine@cox.net.
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