In The Middle of the Night

I'm not getting God's timing lately. For some reason, he seems to stir in my heart and mind in the most powerful ways in the middle of the night. Is it that I'm not listening well during the daytime? Is it his way of catching me when I'm away from other distractions (well, except for this yearning to go back to sleep)?

It happened again last night. Somewhere around 4:00 in the morning, I found myself utterly wide awake again. And as I lay there wishing I could clear my mind and drift off, I found myself reflecting over recent conversations and events. Suddenly I began to see things from a different perspective. I had a better sense of how things fit together. I connected the dots. And in doing so I saw the handiwork of God.

The result is that even though I'm feeling physically worn out, and even though there are a lot of little things chewing away at me emotionally, I'm finding it so easy to sink deep into God's grace. I'm positive that some of what I'm experiencing is the result of my time in Paul's letter to the Galatians, reflecting on the limitless grace of God and the freedom that comes from realizing just how much he loves me. Some of it is God tying up some loose ends. Some of it is the Spirit nudging me to be patient, to stand firm, to trust him, to dream big, to find delight, and so much more.

I've told people that one of the things I really wish I had in my life right now was a pastor -- someone who could shepherd me, even as I'm trying to represent God in shepherding our church family. There's so much that I'd like to talk about! But I'm starting to realize that perhaps God has not brought me that relationship right now so that I'd direct those conversations exclusively to him. And so even in my sleeplessness, I'm discovering a kind of priceless serenity and faith. There's just something so very wonderful about being able to be utterly transparent before God, laying there in the dark, physically groggy but mentally alert, knowing that my Creator and Father totally, completely, utterly loves me -- warts and all.

I'd tell you more, but you'll have to excuse me. I think I need a nap...