Anticipation

This morning I was thinking about Moses, of all people. What an interesting journey God had for his life. It neatly breaks down into thirds, each stage lasting for 40 years. For the first 40 years of his life, he grew up in Pharaoh's court in Egypt, learning the skills of leadership, economics, labor management, military strategy, geography, justice systems, etc. He was learning how to lead a nation. The next 40 years of his life were spent out in the wilderness getting married, having kids, being humbled, herding sheep, finding food and water, etc. He was learning how to be a successful nomad. It wasn't until the age of 80 that God spoke from a burning bush, told him he was on holy ground, and gave him marching orders for the remainder of his days. He would lead God's people out of slavery, share God's expectations for their new society, and lead them to the place God had reserved for their blessing.

I wonder what Moses felt like at, say, age 67. It would have been nearly 3 decades since his failed attempt to jump start an exodus by murdering an Egyptian and then being rejected by his people. He had thought he knew what God wanted of him. As it turns out, he was right; God did have special plans for his life that would involve the deliverance of Abraham's decendants. But so much time had passed. He had a new life, a new family, a new home, a new career. I wonder if he ever had moments sitting out under the stars, listening to the bleeting of goats, thinking about his days in Egypt, playing "what if" games in his mind. Back at age 40, he was ready to take on the world. But by age 67, had he left that dream behind? Was there still a part of him that waited for God to reveal his destiny? How did he feel about God anyway? After all, God was allowing his people to suffer in Egypt. Moses wanted to fix that, but God kept it from happening (at least, according to Moses' schedule). What was God up to? Why was he silent? And did it even matter to Moses anymore, or had he moved on and embraced his new nomadic lifestyle?

I think some of the hardest times in life are the "in betweens." When we're caught between one season of our life and the next. In Moses' case, his "in between" lasted for 40 years -- four decades of wandering in the wildnerness with no idea that God was using the experience to help lead an entire nation through the wilderness. God knew what he was doing, even if Moses didn't. And it's the same for each of us. It's so hard to understand what God is up to at each season of our lives; it really only begins to make sense in hindsight.

I'm in an "in between" season in my life right now, and I think it's a rare privilege to be shown that by the Lord. I know the experiences of last fall -- the four-month season of discovery, learning, brokenness, heartache, renewal -- were all part of God's plan in preparing me for the season ahead. I have learned so much about myself, about God, about my wife and kids, about the wonders of great friendships, about the critical importance for grace among God's people, about hope and faith and forgiveness. And now I think this experience of living between two states, waiting for our house to sell, missing my family, learning to simply let other people love and care for me, is also part of God's preparation for what's next. Perhaps every "in between" transition is like this. I imagine Moses went through some serious discouragement when he left behind the luxuries of Egypt and home in favor of a tent in the desert. And he surely struggled with uncertainty, guilt, and doubt as he waited to see if God had anything else in store for his life.

But "in betweens" aren't forever. God never leaves us or forsakes us. Sometimes God's silence and delay is more like a building anticipation for what's coming next. And, as Romans 8 tells us, he'll take every circumstance (both the triumphs and the tragedies) and use them for our benefit if we love him and puruse the purpose to which we've been called. So I'm choosing to embrace my "in between" and enjoy the sense of anticipation -- like a kid looking forward to all the fun he's going to have over summer vacation. And I get to be part of this wonderful new church family that is also going through it's "in between" season as it prepares for the adventure ahead. Wait for it... wait for it... When we finally get there, it's gonna be fantastic!